And If You Did Know?

Today I got word from my friend Linda that a friend of mine died. My friend Kathleen Graber. She had suffered from diabetes for years. It seems she was having an operation and that afterward she died.

I have been working on dealing with this all day. Kathleen and I went to college together, in fact we took all of our courses together through our junior and senior years. We then went through graduate school together. Kathleen took me into her heart and into her family. I spent a great deal of time with them. We talked often about our hopes and dreams. She was one of my truest friends.

After we graduated we drifted apart. She moved to be closer to her mother. We had come together to help each other and our time was over. Although I did not see her much after I left Tampa, she has always been in my heart. She helped me learn a great deal about myself and others. Kathleen listened to me in a way no one every had. She heard me and gave me feedback. She was honest with her feed back without ever being judgmental. I always felt as though I was important to her. She was a very loving and giving person.

I think one of the only problems she had was that she did not give to herself. Kathleen was hard on herself. She did not take time for her. She pushed herself and did not stop to listen to what she needed.

I did not have much contact with her for the last few years of her life so I do not know what her life was like. I have gotten married to a wonderful man. I know part of the reason I did this was because I saw a good marriage between Kathleen and her husband, Lyle. He is a very good man. I saw a man who was not afraid to love and be loved. I realized that not all men are like my father and brother. They are traditional men who are fear-based and angry. I had stayed away from men because I did not want to end up with someone like them. But seeing Lyle be who he was and watching them together helped me let Mark into my life.

As a result of knowing Lyle I began to see men differently. I could see that there are men who will be open and loving and trusting. That is what I have now. Because I am in this wonderful, loving and supportive relationship I am able to grow to expand myself. I am healing the wounded parts of me.

I also know that one (or two) of the reasons I am where I am today is that I knew Kathleen and I let her in.

Thank you Kathy – just know that I love you and always have.