And If You Did Know?

In Memory of Sharon Michele McAvoy Nichols .:. December 24, 1949 – October 10, 2005

November 15, 2004

Hard to Believe

Filed under: her words,politics — mark @ 1:30 pm

It has been just under a week since the election of 2004. I have been trying to understand what took place. It seems that the religious right put their man back in office. It is hard to believe that so many people put their religious concerns above their own best interest. In fact that is what makes this so very hard to believe. I am torn between wanting to believe that the election was stolen, or that people are so afraid of life that they simply cling to the easy answers that religion gives them. Or, perhaps there are alternative answers. Once again I want to assert that I am no proponent of conspiracy theories (a statement offered by most conspiracy theorists), however, I do think this election could just be smoke and mirrors. The few people in charge have found out how to remain in charge. That is that. We are no longer free citizens of a republic, but now are just dupes. Playing at living our lives on our own terms. Perhaps we are just slaves to money and the power of the few. Wow, that gives me a sick feeling to admit. I know I know very little about what truly goes on in the world. I am but one person, limited by my own vision and knowledge. I also realize that I do not know everything, it is enough to know me. This in itself is a monumental challenge. I am constantly realizing that I know very little, and am also regularly looking for more information and knowledge.

Since my father’s death two weeks ago I have realized that there were parts of me that I had not seen. I have been seeing me in new ways. Some of the discoveries have been satisfying and some have been very difficult. For instance I have not had much contact with my father over the last 15 years. I finally realized that having contact with my father was very difficult for both of us. We talked through a great deal and accepted our differences. It took care of both of us to do this. But it pointed to the fact that we did not do well unless there was distance between us. It was hard to give up the fantasy of having the father of my dreams, but it was important to do so. I also had to see my father realize that I was never going to be the daughter of his dreams. We then gave each other permission to be who we really were, and to accept that the relationship had given both of us what we needed from it. This type of knowledge was hard to accept, but I know I am better for having gained it.

Now I look at the election and the direction I see this country headed and I have to ask myself if remaining in this country is the right thing for me. I have loved this country my entire life. I did at one time attempt to enter the military so as to serve. I was unable to do so, but I would have. I found other ways to serve and feel as though I have made some contributions to my country. But now I need to make a choice about whether staying here is in my best interest anymore. I am not sure about this. I do not like the feel of the place now. It is becoming more and more restrictive, it feels less free, and I do not like the way ordinary citizens are being treated. I see health care becoming too expensive, protestors being arrested, choice being threatened, rights being taken away, groups of people being discriminated against, the environment being destroyed, jobs being outsourced, labor unions being destroyed, and basic needs becoming too expensive and I am sickened by the direction we are heading. I admit that I am in a quandary right now. I am thinking about what to do. I am not at all sure I will stay. What a difference a week can make.

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