And If You Did Know?

In 1995 Michele moved to Colorado Springs, which was fateful for two reasons. First I believe that she was going there to find some kind of peace with herself, and that if she couldn’t find that she was going there to die. The second reason this move was fateful was it put her on the final path of her journey towards me.

We met online, on AOL, in December 1995, and started a 10-year love affair that continued right up until the day she died. At some level I believe that meeting me provided her a detour from the road towards death she had chosen. And like all detours it eventually led back to the main road, and her death.

She always told me that through me she had learned what true love was. That she had never felt better about herself, and that she was so glad to have experienced life with me. She always told me that she would walk through fire for me, that she would lay down her life and die for me. I understand only now that by fighting the bleeding and the dysentery and the pain for as long as she did, that she was walking through fire for me. And in the end she did lay down her life for mine. I believe that in her mind she was setting me free to live a life unencumbered by her illnesses and demons.

I am not sure that I am worthy of such devotion or love. But I resolve to live the rest of my life in honor of her sacrifice. I am not going to waste the incredible gift she believed she was giving me.