Kabbala
I found Kabbala. I see know that this is where I have been heading. I need to form a connection to God. I need to gain some interaction with God.
Trying to understand God by looking at the world God created is like trying to understand how the mind works by looking at the brain. This is an example of chockmah (inspired wisdom) and then binah (inspired wisdom) (aka: deductive reasoning). Then in writing it down it becomes daat (knowledge).
To call Mark and tell him about it is to take action. The first step in this was writing down. Chesed is the first step of action. The Big Bang was an act of Chesed – endless and flowing.
God created the universe and us an an act of Chesed, then said enough; this is gevurah. iIn order to get all that God gave us, the second principle of Kabbala, requires that we earn it. We earn it by learning it in our own way. Like the parent who watches they child learning to walk by falling down.